1.Murphy's World Place: HONEST ZOG'S DISCOUNT GOODS EMPORIUM
by Chris Kovac & Kevin Davies
Renown as one of largest, tackiest discount store chains on Murphy's World, Honest Zog's flagship location is situated on the outskirts of Asgard, and remains open 24 hours a day.
Comprised of six upper floors plus a labyrinthine bargain basement, Honest Zog's can take a devoted shopper weeks to explore fully. Thus many visitors from out of town either bring a pack lunch or eat at one of several cafeterias and restaurants located throughout the building. For those who want to make a mission of it, affordable accommodations can be had at the adjoining Honest Zog's Hotel and Entertainment Complex (i.e., casino and amusement park). Zog also has many interests in the local theater district.
It's impossible to pass by an Honest Zog's and miss it. In fact, it's impossible to pass within ten miles and fail to see what looks like a large pink brick with a four-story flashing-neon sign with huge illuminated script lettering mounted on the roof. Additionally, Honest Zog's exterior is illuminated and outlined with rows of blinking lights while after dusk the sky above it ablaze with rotating searchlights. A loudspeaker (a Giant with a blowhorn) continually entices shoppers and unwary passers-by into the store through announcements of outrageously low prices.
"If You Want It, Here It Is, Come and Get It..."
If you've got the cash, Honest Zog's will do everything it can to pry it from your fingers short of hauling you off to a back alley and beating you to death. Anything you can imagine which can be acquired in bulk by Honest Zog's army of traveling 'product buyers' is available a prices which claim to be the lowest in the hemisphere. Actually, apart from numerous 'lost leaders', Honest Zog's prices are about average, and even high on some items -- however, most people, once on site are seduced by the selection of items and typically abandon any thoughts of comparison shopping. "Our shoppers are willing to pay for the convenience of obtaining everything they need on one location." So Zog likes to say.
If it's cheap, tacky, in poor taste, impractical, out of production, gaudy, or made in neon colors, Honest Zog's is sure to have it. It's a Dwarf's favorite place to shop. Giants love it too. Elves would rather be flayed alive than been seen there. Velvet Elvis paintings with glowing eyes, plastic beanbag furniture in day-glow colors, polyester disco suits with matching scarves, magic items with questionable performance ratings, and other similar items are sure be found here.
While there is no precise way of locating any one particular item -- other than walking about and perusing a lot of other crap first (the store is designed that way), each location is structured in the following manner: 1st Floor: household goods, food, appliances, furniture; 2nd Floor: clothing (mostly in polyester, day-glow colors and "one-size fits all"), accessories, cosmetics, jewelry (mood rings, gold name chains, etc.), and other 'fashion accouterments'; 3rd Floor: consumer goods, pulp adventure-romance novels, and entertainment accessories; 4th Floor: business goods and office supplies; 5th Floor: adventuring supplies, practical tomes, and non-magical weapons; 6th Floor: supernatural supplies, occult scrolls, devices, and weapons; Bargain Basement: small quantities of anything and everything -- new junk, er... stock arrives hourly. The experience of shopping in the Basement has been compared to the gladiatorial arenas in the Tir Nan Bob. Customers move between floors via stairs located haphazardly throughout the store. Located beneath the basement is rumored to be the administrative offices and stock-rooms of Honest Zog's -- though no customer has ever claimed to have noticed a door.
"Wasn't the Exit That Way?..."
Honest Zog's is also a magical place. Shoppers enter the store at their own risk, since the exits, entrances, aisles and washrooms change location at random. A large sign at the entrance turnstile to Honest Zog's clearly warns patrons that the store accepts no responsibility for the time they spend shopping, nor their welfare during the experience. In fact a number of people have come to reside in the store, resigned to the impossibility of finding a way out, they now serve as clerks and eke out a meager living stocking shelves and surviving off items scrounged from store shelves. These so-called Zogites are few in number since what food items there are in Honest Zog's tend to be of the 'junk food' variety, lacking in any real nutritional value.
Only the paid staff (all relative of Zog) seem to possess the skill to navigate or exit the store at will without getting lost. Naturally, if lost, a shopper can always request one of these personable folks to assist them in reaching the check-out counter -- a tip is usually expected. Once successfully through a checkout (nobody can pass unless they've made a purchase -- it's in the fine-print on the sign as you enter the store), the single passage always leads to a restaurant (eat at your own risk) and an exit.
Honest Zog, a Retailing Legend
Zog himself is a short portly middle-aged Dwarf with a twinkle in his eye and perpetual smile plastered to his face. He can often be encountered walking the floors, pressing the flesh, and standing for portraits with tourists. He typically wears a khaki polyester safari suit with numerous pockets from which he can extract just about anything. Remarkably he has the sex-drive of an eighteen year old (many of the staff of Honest Zog's are his offspring, grandchildren, or otherwise related). Zog is cunning, charismatic, and ruthless in monetary terms, but he abhors violence of any kind. Though physically no match for the typical adventurer, he wears a belt of vigor, bracers of strength, and boots of endurance. He also maintains a discrete staff several Giant bodyguards nearby at all times.
STAGING: Honest Zog's could be used prior to embarking upon an adventure for outfitting the Characters. It could also be used as an adventure in itself: the Characters could be hired by an Elf to discreetly purchase a rare desired item on his behalf located in the Bargain Basement; or the Characters could be asked to find something accidentally left behind by a shopper who is afraid to return to the store lest he fail to find an exit. They could also be hired by Zog as undercover security.
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LOCATION: Hoberd lost the Ring years ago (he couldn't decide on a safe place to keep it) so the Ring could currently be lurking anywhere, or on any finger.
STAGING: Hoberd will provide a reward for the return of his Ring. The Ring itself makes a great gag gift, or a device for ensuring the complicity of an untrusted companion (e.g. a captive) or enemy. Another option is to have an important GMC negotiator incapacitated by the Ring and a less-skilled Player Character must be nominated to fill in for him during an critical negotiation.
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LOCATION: Found in both temperate and alpine areas these plants, where identified, are tolerated as an acceptable nuisance, since wood cut from the trees can serve as a primitive form of portable recording device or party amusement.
STAGING: Employ The Whispering Pines as a distraction to frustrate the travels and relationships of an adventure party. Alternatively, if multiple parties are in the woods but unknown to one another, THE WHISPERING PINES may cause them discover each other and/or come to blows by mimicking the voices of one another.
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1. | HOW DOES IT APPEAR? | 2. | FROM WHERE DOES IT APPEAR? | |||
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Description |
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Description | |||
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Unexpectedly Gradually Regally Alarmed Oblivious to Anyone Else Distressed Upset Pissed Annoyed Happily |
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
The Bushes A Small Hut A Cave A Hole An Oozing Swamp Thin Air A Pond The Sky A Mist A Ruined Castle |
3. | WHAT SIZE & HOW POWERFUL IS IT | |||||
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Description |
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Weight (lbs)
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Health Points
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2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Puny Tiny Short Scrawny Bulky Massive Huge Enormous Gigantic Towering |
1 feet
2 feet 1d6 ÷2 feet 1d6 feet 1d6 feet 2d6 feet 5 + 1d6 feet 5 + 2d6 feet 5 + 3d6 feet 5 + 4d6 feet |
1d6
1d6 x10 2d6 x10 1d6 x50 1d6 x100 1d6 x100 1d6 x100 2d6 x100 3d6 x100 4d6 x100 |
1d6
1d6 +1 1d6 +2 1d6 +3 2d6 2d6 +1 2d6 +2 2d6 +3 3d6 3d6 +3 |
4. | WHAT COLOR DOES IT APPEAR? | 5. | HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT | |||
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Description |
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Description | |||
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Moldy Green Bruise Brown Blood Red Puss Yellow Midnight Black Snow White Sky Blue Multicolored Psychedelic Colored Flaming Orange |
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Ugly Nauseating Warty Obnoxious Nasty Diseased Homely Twisted Disgustingly Cute Foul Smelling |
6. | WHAT ANIMAL DOES IT RESEMBLE? | 7. | DESCRIBE A PROMINENT FEATURE? | |||
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Description |
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Description | |||
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Lizard Elephant Insect Worm Serpent Teddy Bear Tortoise Bunny Horsey Moo-Cow |
1Long Pointy Teeth
2Razor-Sharp Claws 3Long Floppy Ears 4Barbed Whips On Its Tail 5Flared Nostrils That Spew Noxious Gas 6Legs Upon Which It Hops About Madly 7Bulbous Penetrating Eyes On Stalks 8Spikes All Over Its Body 9Suction Cups On 'Hands' For Grasping 10Fine Feathered Wings |
8. | WHAT IS ITS DISPOSITION? | 9. | WHAT DOES IT DO AT YOU? | |||
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Description |
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Description | |||
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Hostile Mean Cranky Pleasant Argumentative Questioning Cheerful Carefree Angry Happy-Go-Lucky |
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Smiles Blushes Roars Makes a Request Snarls Screams Gazes Romantically Stares Hungrily Drools Makes an Obscene Gesture |
10. | WHAT DOES IT DO NEXT? | 11. | THEN WHAT DOES IT DO? | |||
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Description |
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Description | |||
1Raises Its Head
2Licks Its Lips 3Breaks Out In Song 4Bats Its Eyes 5Strolls Over 6Starts Babbling About Lost Love 7Demands You Turn Back 8Asks For a Favor 9Asks a Challenging Question 10Rolls Over |
1Quickly Runs Away
2Collapses and Plays Dead 3Attacks Ferociously 4Pauses, Awaiting Your Next Move 5Breaks Down and Cries 6Lunges Into a Charge 7Begins Stomping Everything in Sight 8Rears Up Menacingly 9Crouches 10Springs Forward |
12. | WHAT STATE IS IT IN? | |||||
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Description | |||||
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Stupidity Panic Aggression Terror Lust Disgust Amusement Bewilderment Amazement Regret |
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Applying the Baby Effect
When a Character gets within 10' of a baby have them make a Willpower Roll: success will result in no effect; failure will result in the Character suffering a -1d6 Intelligence penalty, but gaining a +1d6 Charisma bonus. This effect lasts as long as the Character is within the 10' radius of the infant. Should the infant begin to scream or cry loudly the Character may make another WIL Roll to see if the effect is resisted.
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1.THE INCANTATION OF NICENESS
Through circumstances too complex to explain, Annette the Acerbic and her adventure party find themselves in a tiny cabin surrounded by armies of Giants, Drow, Dwarves, and Pixies, all of whom want to kill her in as nasty a way as possible. Her party, dodging arrows and rocks being tossed through the broken window-shutters, are debating whether to truss her up and toss her outside, when she's struck by a brilliant idea -- why not make all their enemies "nice"? Huddling together and holding hands, they chant and focus on their goal of transforming their enemies into "very nice people." Moments later, missiles cease thudding against the walls, and the war cries are stilled. When the party peeks out, the besiegers are resting peacefully, and a single Drow approaches.
"Sorry to bother you," says the Drow, "but we just thought you should know exactly why we must kill you. "After politely explaining their grievance, he goes on, "We had intended to torture you in a long, drawn-out process, but we've suddenly realized that wouldn't be very nice, so instead, if you'll all kindly put down your weapons and step outside, we'll dispatch you right away -- quick and painless. Then the rest of us can go home. We'd invite you to join us for tea afterwards, but regretfully you'll be dead. We shall, of course, provide a lovely burial ceremony."
The party returns to discussing the idea of throwing Annette to the besiegers.
2.SWORDS TO PETUNIAS
Hector the Magnificent is menaced by a group of barbarian ogre swordsmen. Waving their keen weapons, they advance on poor Hector. Thinking quickly, he chants:
Spirits of the Earth,
Take these Ogres' powers,
And by my humble birth,
Turn them into flowers!
Impressed by Hector's fast -- if not particularly brilliant... poetry, the GM rules that the Ogres' swords are all turned into petunias. Long, deadly, sharp-edged petunias, but 'flowers' nonetheless. At least Hector gets a breathing space while the Ogres stare for a moment at the rather pretty weapons they are now holding.
3.COME FLY WITH ME
Saudia the Serendipitous wants to fly. Not only would it make travel more convenient, but it would significantly improve her capacity to get out of tight spots. After a bit of pondering, Saudia builds a pair of wood and cloth wings, then covers them with a coat of glue and feathers. She straps them on and launches into a song and dance number about feeling as light and free as a bird. Then she proceeds to fling herself off a steep cliff in a do-or-die act of faith.
Impressed by her effort and sincerity, the GM decides that indeed, Saudia is now lighter than air and can soar with the birds. Unfortunately, Saudia neglected to mention anything about 'flight control' in her spell. Acting quickly, her companions get a rope around her before she floats into orbit, and from then on (or until the GM decides the spell has worn off) proceed to tow her around like a balloon. Looking on the bright side, at least she'll never have to worry again about the effects of heavy desserts.
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This page was last updated September 19, 2023.
Content copyright © 1993 to 2023 by Kevin Davies. All rights reserved. |
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